Story #1703

For me, my efforts to heal focus on putting the past in its place and ground myself in the present. For survivors of trauma-especially sexual assault memories come uninvited. It’s hard to block them out sometimes. A smell, a song, a place can pull me back into a moment I thought I had left behind or blocked away. Past and present blur and it can feel like the attack is actually happening again. I suddenly live in the past. I believe that’s because your brain is still trying to find a way to heal from hurt of what happened. It’s an unacknowledged injury. Your body has kept score and now wants attention. With the help of my trusted support team-certain family, friends, therapist and doctor-I have learned how to manage those flashbacks. My people have taught me that memories are not an enemy, not always a friend. Just part of me. My past is both an anchor and burden. Memories keep you connected to what you’ve lost, learned and survived. I've learned to honor my brain, my body and the stories it holds. I can ground myself in the present because I've learned that I survived the living of the trauma, so I can survive the remembering.